I saw something on TV today, a show called wife swap or something. Some of the people on there seemed rather sheltered, underdeveloped, or simply not taking responsibility for themselves. I can't help wondering where I fit in everything. Something I've often been told, the worst place to observe something is right in the middle of it. You never know which way to focus on and it takes some mapping to get the big picture. Unless you're a big fan of Gonzo style, where the best way to learn about something is to experience it directly. Though I think this is a case of needing an outside perspective on things.
I at least work, and I've lived alone for a while, but I'm not doing that now. At the moment, I have no life. I simply look forward to sleeping my days away when I have time off. I know I can take care of myself or at least feel confident about it. Am I still ok?
I can't help feeling so far lost right now. No idea of where I'm going, how I'll get there. No idea whether or not I can really think of myself as a good person. That is a really important thing for me. It eats away at me quite a bit. A while ago, I opened a fortune cookie that said, "You have a strong ethical sense." Those are often a shot in the dark, but a stopped clock is right twice a day, provided its analog. I also can't shake the feeling that I'm just hiding from my troubles rather than addressing what's wrong in my life.
Oh well, part of pulling off a gravitational slingshot maneuver is plummeting. I suppose getting my life in free fall is a necessary step. Hopefully I can redirect my life before getting to the red line. This feels like way too much forced optimism for now. I want to stay honest about how I feel. Going traveling for a bit to see someone who can hopefully help find some semblance of who I am. It's painfully clear that I can't do this by myself.